I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
