I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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