I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
