she was so not down for the gang bang
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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