im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The uberlube is also flammable
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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