Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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