i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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