god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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