My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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