I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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