If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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