I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
