how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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