her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
