i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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