She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
