O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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