and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
