if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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