i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
