After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
