Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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