I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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