you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
