I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
