Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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