You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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