Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize