I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
