He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
