My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize