i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
