Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
