genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just had sex on a roof
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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