My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
