he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
