based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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