3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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