They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
