just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
