Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
