Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize