I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
