Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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