Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
