Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
