What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
