i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
