So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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