it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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