I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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