Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
