in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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