Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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