Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
