What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
