He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
