We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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