Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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