he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
