my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
