there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
