You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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