1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
