After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We smell like vodka and hangover
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