Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
