whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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