did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
