Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
