Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
