my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
