I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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