I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
