is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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