I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
