So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
