Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
