That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
