Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
