just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
