Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
