Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
