yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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