That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
