this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
