I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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