They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
