one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk is a universal language darling
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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