omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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