Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
