If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize