So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
