I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
