He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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