how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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