Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
