Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize