I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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