eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
