Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
