grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
