I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
