every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
