you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
