i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dick very happy bro
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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