I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it hurts more in the daytime
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
