is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
