She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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