Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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