i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
