i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
