I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
