i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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