i just wanna soil my oats bro
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
