it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
