thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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