A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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