We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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