its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
