While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
