He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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