Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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