if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
