Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
