Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
