I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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