Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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