wanna go halves on a baby?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
