If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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