If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
