All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
