I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
as a side note pls kill me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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