Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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