Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
