Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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