So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize