Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
